The Reunion World Tour, Day 1: Double stopover journey to London


Never have I traveled with more than one stopover, but to get a cheap flight deal, I sucked it up and took the long journey to London. I would be stopping in New York, then Lisbon, before arriving at my final destination.

There was a massive snowstorm happening in New York, and I was concerned my flight would be delayed, or worse, cancelled, therefore preventing me from making my connections. I had fantastic luck, however, and my flight was unaffected, as it was an evening flight.

When I arrived in new York, I didn’t see my flight on the departures screens. I asked the nearest airport staff member where I could find information. “Where are you going?” “Lisbon.” “Gate thirty.” Wow, I thought, that is some major skill to have memorized information for a random gate, and one that isn’t even in this section of the airport.

I had over an hour to kill before my flight, of which I didn’t know would be serving a meal, so I stopped at the Italian panini cafĂ© to have some food and steal some WiFi before my departure. It was around ten PM and my flight departed after midnight, but the airport still felt dead. The bartender of the restaurant informed me that eight flights are scheduled to depart from JFK today, as the rest were cancelled. Oh, I realized, the dude before knew my gate departure because it was one of eight departing. It’s not difficult to memorize information when there’s so little to memorize. Now I felt even luckier that mine was one of the few to depart.

I tried my hardest to get some sleep on my flight as I wanted my body to be on the European circadian rhythm upon arrival in Lisbon, but of course that was prevented by several factors. One, that departing from NYC means less air time, so I only had six hours. Two, they were serving dinner right as we got to cruising altitude and the woman sitting beside me wanted to be sure I didn’t miss out. As soon as I accepted the hot meal, I regretted it, as this now trapped me in the situation of needing to be awake to return my food and tray. Dammit. On top of this, I accepted water just as the man in the seat in front of me abruptly launched his seat into the upright position, making the water spill all over the place. I didn’t want this! I DIDN’T WANT ANY OF THIS. And, super important detail, the man was an Italian hairdresser, as I’d gleaned from the loud, riveting conversation about proper shampoo and conditioning techniques he had for the previous hour with the woman sitting next to him.

After all of that I went to sleep, and the woman beside me woke me up for the flight attendant’s offer of water. FINE! I WILL HAVE SOME WATER! BUT LET ME SLEEP! I chugged the cup, set it on the floor and fell asleep… for all of twenty minutes because the lady next to me woke me up to throw the cup away as the attendant walked past with a garbage back. You’ve gotta be kidding me. At this point I did grumble a “goddammit” but it was under my breath as the airplane engine roared per usual, so I don’t think the woman beside me got the hint.

Louis CK likes to mock people who find flights annoying because they are still miracles of modern technology that get you to your destination in relatively little time. I totally get that, and the woman was only being nice, but it was driving me insane. I kept telling myself that soon I will be in London.